Dear Mothership,

What are my pronouns? I am flattered by the need to refer to me at all, and I am not particularly fussed.

For my own preference, I feel genderless, alien-like. I think a mix of neurodivergences meant I did not strongly ‘identify’ with gender. I often perform femininity, but this comes from a desire to ‘fit in’ and ‘masque’, in public. I am treated well when I dress femme, I am treated differently, often poorly, when I do not. Is it any wonder what I have learned to project?

Gender is only one of many aspects I ‘perform’ in society, so it doesn’t feel like a big deal. I have coping strategies to blend in as a lady, just as I do for the rest of my “things” (chronic illness, ADHD, OCD, dyslexia, autism, queer…)

I have watched the non-binary and trans movements, the growth of neopronouns, with fascination over the last fifteen years. I never felt particularly ‘called to action’, like so many others have. The waking from cybersleep has been slow, rubbing my eyes, pulling myself to the spaceship window to see what stars have changed while I have slept.

I apologize for my own lack of urgency, but it is time to come out, hello. I am not just an ally, I am nonbinary. And for that matter, I am pansexual. I haven’t felt it necessary to wear my preferences openly, as I often find myself in long-term relationships with masculine presenting folk— on the outside, my partnerships appear to be quite hetero. Revealing that the assumptions are false… wow that sounds like work. I would rather sleep.

So what are my pronouns?? If I cared more, I wonder if I would be more certain.

I am unoffended by she/her, as I am quite accustomed to that, and dislike change. I do not want to police my own pronouns, correct others, or explain myself in public. On the other hand, maybe it is better for me to choose they/them, to help folks normalize their use.

If I had to choose, and it was easy, I would prefer ae/aer. A variant of Spivak pronoun, spawning from a bizarre alien story written in Scotland in the 1920’s. I like that. Used thusly: “Ae laughed, tossing back aer head, happy despite aerself.” I can almost hear the Scottish lilt.

…but, given that aer is not commonly used, and again, I am just exhausted by making a fuss about it, I suppose they/them, or my historical she/her, is fine. I don’t particularly want to explain any of it IRL, and I think that stems from a desire to not explain myself at all; I often assume I will be misunderstood either way.

I do feel weirdly ‘basic’ for jumping on the she/they bandwagon, but I like the people here anyway. Maybe I will feel more strongly about it later.

So what does this mean? Nothing really.

If I do not feel a need to perform differently, change official documents, or even correct others’ use of pronouns referring to me— why come out at all? I’m not sure. I’ve been awake for a while now, and, with that awareness, it feels right to say “oh! me too. I exist.”

welcome to the gender-fluid deep space. the water is fine.

Your sleepy alien,
Aimee